The decision to have children later in life is a deeply personal one.

Whether it’s due to focussing career goals, waiting to find the right partner, or working through fertility issues or other medical conditions, more women are choosing to become mothers in their late 30s or 40s.

In Australia, the average age of mothers have been rising over time. In 1975 less than 20% of babies were born to mothers aged between 30 and 39 years. Now, almost 60% of births are to mothers in this age group.

Advances in fertility medicine have given women more flexibility and choice around when they choose to have children. The ability to freeze eggs means women can preserve their fertility and still focus on other meaningful pursuits, without the pressure of a ticking biological clock.

However, like all choices in life, delaying motherhood has its advantages and disadvantages.

Wonderful benefits of being an older mother

Delaying parenthood and being an older mother can have some significant benefits.

Financial Stability

Having children at a later age might mean that you have more time to establish your career, pay off debt, and build up your savings. Having a greater financial security before having your children might help to relieve some of the financial stress that raising a family can bring.

More parenting flexibility

If you have financial security and an established career you may have the added benefit of being able to negotiate flexible parenting arrangements. For example, you and your partner may be able to negotiate part-time work or flexibility to work from home, so both of you can be involved in the daily care and raising of your children.

Emotional maturity

Sometimes, being a parent isn’t for the faint-hearted! Being an older mum you’ll probably be (dare we say it) "older and wiser". You’re more likely to have more life experience, self-awareness and a better ability to stay calm under pressure. This will hold you in good stead as you navigate the challenges of parenthood.

A positive environment for your child

If you decide to delay having children you’ve probably put a lot of thought into making this choice. You’re also more likely to be with a stable, committed partner, and feel ready to make the personal sacrifices, which are part of having a family. Research shows that older mothers generally have higher levels of education than younger mums, which tends to result in their children having better educational outcomes.

Better wellbeing

According to research, older mothers have better wellbeing and greater happiness than younger mums.2 It’s believed that women who postpone having a baby until they’re older, are more ready and less stressed by having children, which is critical for the ability to enjoy parenthood.

Considerations of later motherhood

Of course, becoming a mum later in life does have its drawbacks.

More difficult to fall pregnant

As fertility declines with age, the older you are when you try to fall pregnant, the lower your chances. For example, if you’re younger than 30 you have an 85% chance of falling pregnant within in year. By the time you’re 35, this declines to 66% and when you reach 40, it falls even further to 44%.

Of course, making a choice to freeze your eggs at a younger age so you can use them when you’re ready is an effective way to preserve your fertility.

Higher health risks for mother and baby

It's important to have an open conversation with your doctor about the realities you may face by having a child at an older age. While most older women will have a healthy pregnancy and baby, risks and complications do tend to increase with age. Older women have a higher risk for miscarriage, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure and pre-eclampsia. The risk of having a premature baby or a caesarean delivery also increases. And you may be more likely than younger mothers to have a low birthweight baby. However, regular checkups with your doctor can help manage these risks.

More medical appointments

Because of the higher risks involved for you and your baby, you will probably need more regular medical appointments and monitoring than a younger mum. While this may be frustrating and feel time-consuming it’s an important way of taking care of yourself and your baby.

Older at key milestones

One of the disadvantages of having children later in life is being older when your child hits key milestones or periods of significant change or challenge. Remember how tricky puberty was? What about teaching your child how to drive, or helping them decide on their university course? Yes, these things are a long-way down the track. But starting your motherhood journey later means that you’ll be navigating them at a time where you may be juggling other challenges that come with older age.

What to expect when the baby arrives

Preparing yourself mentally and physically is important if you choose to have a baby later in life. Not only will it help during pregnancy, but after your precious bundle arrives.

The days, weeks and even months after a new arrival can be difficult for any mum, particularly if your baby has feeding or sleeping issues. Being tired is normal for all parents!

However, as we get older our stamina and ability to bounce back from late nights declines. You may be surprised at how much minimal sleep affects you now, compared to what it did in your 20s. Support from your partner, family and friends will be invaluable as you learn to navigate this new normal, and learn how to best nurture yourself and your little one.

You will also experience all the normal mood swings and learning curves that comes with parenthood. However, the daily responsibility that comes with having a baby may be a bit of a shock to you, especially if you’ve developed a comfortable routine and enjoyed a level of independence prior to having your child. This transition can understandably feel overwhelming at times, which is why self-compassion and letting loved ones' support you is so valuable.

Unfortunately, there may be a few people who will judge you for being an older mother. You may also receive unsolicited comments and advice from people. Try to tune out to this noise and do what’s right for you, your baby and family. You don’t owe anyone any explanations or justification for your decisions. Surround yourself with people who are supportive, respectful and happy for this exciting time in your life.

Parenthood can be challenging and rewarding no matter how old you are. But with the right medical team, nurturing self-care and strong support systems, you can have a happy, healthy pregnancy and an enriching experience as a mum.

If you’re considering delaying motherhood and want to explore options to preserve your fertility schedule a consultation with me. I’ll discuss your options in a safe, supportive environment to help you make the best decision for you.

References

[i] Australian Bureau of Statistics, Media Release, Australian women having fewer children and later in life, 18 October 2023, https://www.abs.gov.au/media-centre/media-releases/australian-women-having-fewer-children-and-later-life

[ii] Myrskylä M, Barclay K, Goisis A. Advantages of later motherhood. Gynakologe. 2017;50(10):767-772. doi:10.1007/s00129-017-4124-1

[iii] Delbaere I, Verbiest S, Tydén T. Knowledge about the impact of age on fertility: a brief review. Ups J Med Sci. 2020;125(2):167-174. doi:10.1080/03009734.2019.1707913

[iv] Lampinen R, Vehviläinen-Julkunen K, Kankkunen P. A review of pregnancy in women over 35 years of age. Open Nurs J. 2009;3:33-38. Published 2009 Aug 6. doi:10.2174/1874434600903010033